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July 2010
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EMOTIONAL HEALTH
EMOTIONAL HEALTH
managing holiday expectations
With Jean Milofsky, MD, psychiatrist with Kaiser Permanente
The holiday season is often called “the most wonderful time of year.” While it is a joyous time for some people, others may find it stressful, exhausting, or even depressing.
Health professionals want you to become more aware of three common triggers that can affect your well-being this time of year – physical demands, relationships, and finances. By learning how to manage these triggers, you can significantly reduce or avoid holiday stress.
Managing physical demands
“During the holiday season, you have many more demands on your time,” says Jean Milofsky, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist with Kaiser Permanente Colorado. “To manage the shopping, entertaining, and holiday parties, you have to practice your best stress management skills.” That often means planning ahead and not overextending yourself.
“During the holiday season, you have many more demands on your time,” says Jean Milofsky, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist with Kaiser Permanente Colorado. “To manage the shopping, entertaining, and holiday parties, you have to practice your best stress management skills.” That often means planning ahead and not overextending yourself.
It also means learning to find balance in the midst of professional and personal commitments. Year-end work demands and family expectations can weigh heavily on our minds and relationships. When it becomes impossible to do it all, learning how to prioritize your commitments and knowing when to say no will help you get more enjoyment out of the things that matter most during the holidays.
Stress management also includes taking care of yourself. While it may be difficult to find an hour for a massage or a trip to the gym, you can alleviate some stress by taking a few minutes to breathe deeply, meditate, and stretch.
While it’s OK to indulge a little over the holidays, don’t completely abandon your healthy habits by overeating and drinking too much alcohol. Be sure to make time for regular meals – and regular sleep. For more detailed advice, read HEALTHY EATING: celebrate without going overboard.
Accepting relationships
“Unlike other stressful events, the holidays tend to evoke unrealistic wishes and fantasies, especially regarding relationships,” Dr. Milofsky says.
“Unlike other stressful events, the holidays tend to evoke unrealistic wishes and fantasies, especially regarding relationships,” Dr. Milofsky says.
To avoid disappointment, it’s helpful to remember that reality doesn’t always live up to our expectations. “Look at what your relationships have been like in the past. Instead of longing for bliss and a sense of belonging, it may be healthier to settle for a nice 20-minute conversation,” Dr. Milofsky says. Also, work to set aside differences – you’re not the only one affected by holiday stress.
Many holiday gatherings revolve around family traditions. It may be necessary to start new traditions when children reach adulthood or family dynamics change. Although suggesting new ideas can be difficult, keeping quiet is not always healthy, and dropping hints may not always work. “Direct communication accompanied by expressions of love and appreciation can really smooth the way,” Dr. Milofsky says.
Living within your means
Although the recent economic downturn has helped many people curb their spending, it’s easy to go overboard during the holidays. “Set up a budget – and stick to it,” Dr. Milofsky says. “You don’t want to face huge debt once the holidays are over.”
Although the recent economic downturn has helped many people curb their spending, it’s easy to go overboard during the holidays. “Set up a budget – and stick to it,” Dr. Milofsky says. “You don’t want to face huge debt once the holidays are over.”
Unmanageable debt can lead to stress, feelings of regret, and hopelessness. People sometimes take on excess debt in an effort to achieve perfection. Stores, magazines, and TV shows are full of ideas on how to buy perfect gifts, cook impressive meals, and decorate homes in holiday splendor. Remember, these ideals can provide ideas; they are not real life.
Recognizing depression
The holidays can be a vulnerable time, and most people experience some disappointment, sadness, or hurt during the season. There are times, however, when these triggers can lead to depression – a treatable medical condition.
The holidays can be a vulnerable time, and most people experience some disappointment, sadness, or hurt during the season. There are times, however, when these triggers can lead to depression – a treatable medical condition.
Feeling sad and hopeless much of the time, and experiencing changes in appetite and sleep habits are just some of the signs of depression. To learn more about other symptoms of depression, or to help you decide if you should see a doctor, check out our interactive tool.
At Kaiser Permanente Colorado, our primary care physicians can assess you for depression and, if necessary, refer you to a therapist and/or psychiatrist. Depression is usually treated with counseling and medication – your health care team will determine which treatment is best for you.
We also offer many helpful online tools for managing stress – not just during the holidays but also throughout the year. These include podcasts on relieving stress and walking for health. Patients can take advantage of a free online program, HealthMedia® Relax™, which delivers individually tailored plans for handling stress.
To learn more about managing stress and emotions during the holidays, visit KaiserPermanente.org.
Dr. Milofsky received her medical degree from the University of Colorado Health Services Center and performed her internship and residency there. She is board certified in psychiatry.
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